Riella was still mad at herself when she woke up.
She couldn't believe it was over. Angry tears flowed out of her eyes as she realized that it was all her fault. After everything she fucking went through, everything she endured, she was dead and Andy was alone. She underestimated her District partner and because of it, she was here. She was worlds away from her life source, from the one person that was her sun, moon, and stars. All of the disgusting cliches Riella could think of, she was all of them. Andy was the reason that Riella was how she was, she was everything to Riella. She was Riella's happiness, joy, her everything, and just like that she was gone. Riella couldn't imagine how Andy felt. She just hoped that her girlfriend wouldn't blame herself.
Of course she would blame herself. She was Andy. She pretended to brush things off, but she secretly put so much pressure on herself. She held herself responsible for things that really weren't her fault. She pretended she didn't care, and a lot of times she really truly didn't, but those things that she cared about, even if she pretended she didn't, she was so hard on herself. It broke Riella's heart to know that Andy put so much pressure on herself. She always tried to hide it, as she was conditioned to do. Riella brought it out of her. She held Andy when she was crying, and reassured her. Andy wasn't used to being weak and vulnerable, but Riella helped her trust enough to let it out. She helped Riella gain confidence, totally changed her worldview. She loved Riella so well and Riella loved her too. They were always there for each other and so quickly, Riella had ruined it all.
If she could just have five more minutes with the love of her life... She would hug Andy, kiss her lips, tell her that this wasn't her fault. None of it was. Riella didn't want Andy to volunteer for her. She was glad that she didn't. She wanted Andy to keep going without her, keep being badass and amazing... Riella hated that she ruined it all. She blamed herself for everything. It was all her fault.
She sat alone and sobbed, hating herself. It was all her fault. If only she'd never stepped in that trap. If only she'd never let go of that axe. There were so many things she could have done differently... God, it was the worst feeling.
She was alone for a while, so alone. She could feel people thinking about her, even the goddamn bastard Kendal. She focused on Andy, though. She hugged herself, trying to pretend Andy was there. She stayed like that for a while before she felt a hand touch her shoulder gently.
When she looked up, she saw the familiar, gentle face of her ally and friend peering down at her.
"Hey," she said quietly. When Riella looked up, she saw all the tributes there, with some distance between them and Maggie, who was right by her. The other Careers were in the front of the huddle, with Edgard and Raoul in the back, celebratory but sensitive to Riella's emotions. Riella hugged Maggie tightly. She was glad to have someone who understood her pain, and being hugged by a friend, a real true friend, was something Riella really needed.
"They'll be okay," Maggie said quietly. Her voice was soft and reassuring. Riella cried into her shoulder but gave a slight nod. Andy would pick herself up. Even if she functioned solely off of spite for a couple days, she would do what it took to move on. That was one of the things Riella really admired about her.
After hugging Maggie for a while, Riella dried her eyes, feeling a sense of calm, though she was still miserable. She hugged Iridesce and Callum, and was surprised at the number of tributes that were there to hug and reassure her.
Healing would take a long time, and Riella was sure that she would never be whole again until Andy was back by her side.
But if Andy got to live a long and fulfilling life, then Riella was more than willing to wait.
Riella refused to stay down for long, just like she knew Andy would. All she knew was that Kendal had a lot of lives to honor.
From what she'd seen of her District partner, his defiance of Adler, his wits, his determination to make it home...
Somehow, Riella knew that he would find a way.
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