Riella was still mad at herself when she woke up.
She couldn't believe it was over. Angry tears flowed out of her eyes as she realized that it was all her fault. After everything she fucking went through, everything she endured, she was dead and Andy was alone. She underestimated her District partner and because of it, she was here. She was worlds away from her life source, from the one person that was her sun, moon, and stars. All of the disgusting cliches Riella could think of, she was all of them. Andy was the reason that Riella was how she was, she was everything to Riella. She was Riella's happiness, joy, her everything, and just like that she was gone. Riella couldn't imagine how Andy felt. She just hoped that her girlfriend wouldn't blame herself.
Of course she would blame herself. She was Andy. She pretended to brush things off, but she secretly put so much pressure on herself. She held herself responsible for things that really weren't her fault. She pretended she didn't care, and a lot of times she really truly didn't, but those things that she cared about, even if she pretended she didn't, she was so hard on herself. It broke Riella's heart to know that Andy put so much pressure on herself. She always tried to hide it, as she was conditioned to do. Riella brought it out of her. She held Andy when she was crying, and reassured her. Andy wasn't used to being weak and vulnerable, but Riella helped her trust enough to let it out. She helped Riella gain confidence, totally changed her worldview. She loved Riella so well and Riella loved her too. They were always there for each other and so quickly, Riella had ruined it all.
If she could just have five more minutes with the love of her life... She would hug Andy, kiss her lips, tell her that this wasn't her fault. None of it was. Riella didn't want Andy to volunteer for her. She was glad that she didn't. She wanted Andy to keep going without her, keep being badass and amazing... Riella hated that she ruined it all. She blamed herself for everything. It was all her fault.
She sat alone and sobbed, hating herself. It was all her fault. If only she'd never stepped in that trap. If only she'd never let go of that axe. There were so many things she could have done differently... God, it was the worst feeling.
She was alone for a while, so alone. She could feel people thinking about her, even the goddamn bastard Kendal. She focused on Andy, though. She hugged herself, trying to pretend Andy was there. She stayed like that for a while before she felt a hand touch her shoulder gently.
When she looked up, she saw the familiar, gentle face of her ally and friend peering down at her.
"Hey," she said quietly. When Riella looked up, she saw all the tributes there, with some distance between them and Maggie, who was right by her. The other Careers were in the front of the huddle, with Edgard and Raoul in the back, celebratory but sensitive to Riella's emotions. Riella hugged Maggie tightly. She was glad to have someone who understood her pain, and being hugged by a friend, a real true friend, was something Riella really needed.
"They'll be okay," Maggie said quietly. Her voice was soft and reassuring. Riella cried into her shoulder but gave a slight nod. Andy would pick herself up. Even if she functioned solely off of spite for a couple days, she would do what it took to move on. That was one of the things Riella really admired about her.
After hugging Maggie for a while, Riella dried her eyes, feeling a sense of calm, though she was still miserable. She hugged Iridesce and Callum, and was surprised at the number of tributes that were there to hug and reassure her.
Healing would take a long time, and Riella was sure that she would never be whole again until Andy was back by her side.
But if Andy got to live a long and fulfilling life, then Riella was more than willing to wait.
Riella refused to stay down for long, just like she knew Andy would. All she knew was that Kendal had a lot of lives to honor.
From what she'd seen of her District partner, his defiance of Adler, his wits, his determination to make it home...
Somehow, Riella knew that he would find a way.
Monday, May 29, 2017
84 Afterlife!AU, Part 6
Raoul Keaton of District 10 knew where he was.
He had lost the fight. He had lost his chance at getting back home to his District, his friends and family, his fiddle... He's lost it all. Not that he really had too much to get back to. His distant parents, no brother... He really wished he could have gotten back, to talk to Vera and maybe someday tell her how he felt about her for so long... That was all a distant hope now. There was no going back. If he wanted to see any of his friends or loved ones again, he'd have to wait. Hopefully it would be a long wait, he would hate for his friends to come to him too early.
He knows that his friends and family are thinking about him, and the thought is just as sad as it is comforting. He knows they must be hurting. He'd certainly hurt if he'd lost a loved one. Hell, he had, the second Reuben walked out that door. It was a hard adjustment to make, that was for sure. Losing someone you loved to leaaving was hard enough, let alone to death. There was no hope of reconicliation, no chance that he'd ever come back.
He didn't feel much like crying. He felt kind of numb, not really like doing anything. It was a calm kind of numbness, not a panicky sort, which was at least a relief.
Raoul knew what he really wanted. He wanted to play music.
It didn't take long for the girl from Eleven to appear in the room, and Raoul quickly left. He didn't want to look at her or risk talking to her right now. He got up and briefly stretched out his wings before leaving the temple.
The outside was warm and soft, up high in the clouds. It really was beautiful.
"Raoul!" Edgard slipped out from under Callum's arm and ran to meet him, giving him a big hug, that was quickly returned.
"Hey Edgard," Raoul said quietly. He really was just happy to see the Eleven boy, who had become a good friend as well as an ally.
"You fought really well," the boy from Eleven says quietly.
"It doesn't feel like it."
"That's normal. You'll see in time, though. There's nothing else you could have done."
Raoul didn't believe it, but seeing someone familiar and warm calmed him.
"You placed well, you did your District proud."
"Thank you."
The friends stayed in the embrace for a while before Raoul gave him a pat on the shoulder and they separated.
"Angels play harps, right?" Raoul asked.
"Eh, that's just the stereotype. C'mon, I'll show you around and we can get your hands on a fiddle."
Raoul grinned. "Sure. Sounds great."
~.~.
Martina was beside herself.
The thoughts of her family and friends just depressed her. They felt warm and cozy, but it wasn't really her home. It wasn't the same as having them there, in the flesh. She wanted to be home. She had gone through so much shit and just like that she's lost.
She had so much depending on her, and she let them all down. She couldn't believe she'd done this. How could she? They were all thinking of her. Her father, mother, Tristan, Mariah, Leah, Trey, Marlene... Jackson. Oh, Jackson. She was all he had and now she was gone... She suddenly was worried about him. Was he going to be okay? Would her family take him in? Surely they would. They loved him, they wouldn't let him destroy himself... And without Martina, he certainly would destroy himself.
Tears streamed down her cheeks, pouring out of her eyes. She couldn't help it. She felt so homesick and sad, disappointed, even angry because she had lost it. Now was not the time to dwell on the past. She couldn't do anything to change it, after all.
She stayed there for a while, soft wings wrapped around herself, sobbing quietly, hurting. Soon, the sadness started to fade, replaced by that warm calmness that everyone is going to be alright. They would keep going without her.
She stood up, finally, drying her cheeks and wiping her eyes.
She couldn't do anything to change the fact that she died. She would just have to find a good way to spend the time until her loved ones joined her. And for that, she was ready to wait.
~.~.
District 9's Kade Fields wasn't alone.
Rachel sat with him in the temple, holding his hands. His eyes were slightly glassy, but he knew that he was in a better place. The only person he had down there was Sophia. Leaving her alone hurt Kade, sure. He could feel her thinking about him, and that made him upset. She was probably hurting so much. He fought so hard to make it back to her, and he had made it to third place. God, he was so close to winning...
But there was nothing he could do to change it now.
He stayed in Rachel's arms, hugging her tightly. They hadn't known each other for too long, but she had become a close friend anyways. They just clicked, and he was glad that she was his ally.
"You didn't have to sacrifice yourself for me," he said quietly. All of the images of seeing her silhouette in the Arena came back.
But this Rachel was different. She was soft, warm, she was real. She was the real Rachel, not whatever fake version of her was projected in the Arena.
"I wanted to. I never intended on leaving the Arena alive. I gave my chance for someone who deserved it. And you really made me proud. You made her proud, too. Sophia. And your home. Third place is amazing."
"But it's not first."
"Someone had to get third. It sucks, but you fought hard and did your best."
Kade just sighed quietly as Rachel let him go with a pat on the shoulder.
His sadness didn't last long, though, as soon he saw two little girls running towards him.
His sisters.
Gabby reached him first, jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly. Lydia arrived soon after, joining the hug. It was a tight, warm hug, and Kade never wanted to let go.
"God, I missed you," he said quietly, tears pooling in his eyes.
"You did well out there," Lydia said.
Gabby nodded. "We're so proud of you."
Kade managed a small smile. "Thanks. I really just did my best."
The siblings didn't talk after that. They just stayed in the tight, warm hug, and Kade felt like he was home.
It wasn't totally complete, though. Kade let out a small sob when he heard his mother's voice say his name.
His sisters let go so that he could run over to his mother, hugging her tightly.
"You did so well down there," she said, sniffling and wiping her eyes.
"Don't cry," Kade said quietly, biting his lip.
"They're proud tears," she said. "You did everything you could."
"I tried. I wanted to make you proud." He stayed in his mother's arms for a long time before both of his sisters joined the hug again.
They were complete. They were whole. They were a family.
They were together.
He had lost the fight. He had lost his chance at getting back home to his District, his friends and family, his fiddle... He's lost it all. Not that he really had too much to get back to. His distant parents, no brother... He really wished he could have gotten back, to talk to Vera and maybe someday tell her how he felt about her for so long... That was all a distant hope now. There was no going back. If he wanted to see any of his friends or loved ones again, he'd have to wait. Hopefully it would be a long wait, he would hate for his friends to come to him too early.
He knows that his friends and family are thinking about him, and the thought is just as sad as it is comforting. He knows they must be hurting. He'd certainly hurt if he'd lost a loved one. Hell, he had, the second Reuben walked out that door. It was a hard adjustment to make, that was for sure. Losing someone you loved to leaaving was hard enough, let alone to death. There was no hope of reconicliation, no chance that he'd ever come back.
He didn't feel much like crying. He felt kind of numb, not really like doing anything. It was a calm kind of numbness, not a panicky sort, which was at least a relief.
Raoul knew what he really wanted. He wanted to play music.
It didn't take long for the girl from Eleven to appear in the room, and Raoul quickly left. He didn't want to look at her or risk talking to her right now. He got up and briefly stretched out his wings before leaving the temple.
The outside was warm and soft, up high in the clouds. It really was beautiful.
"Raoul!" Edgard slipped out from under Callum's arm and ran to meet him, giving him a big hug, that was quickly returned.
"Hey Edgard," Raoul said quietly. He really was just happy to see the Eleven boy, who had become a good friend as well as an ally.
"You fought really well," the boy from Eleven says quietly.
"It doesn't feel like it."
"That's normal. You'll see in time, though. There's nothing else you could have done."
Raoul didn't believe it, but seeing someone familiar and warm calmed him.
"You placed well, you did your District proud."
"Thank you."
The friends stayed in the embrace for a while before Raoul gave him a pat on the shoulder and they separated.
"Angels play harps, right?" Raoul asked.
"Eh, that's just the stereotype. C'mon, I'll show you around and we can get your hands on a fiddle."
Raoul grinned. "Sure. Sounds great."
~.~.
Martina was beside herself.
The thoughts of her family and friends just depressed her. They felt warm and cozy, but it wasn't really her home. It wasn't the same as having them there, in the flesh. She wanted to be home. She had gone through so much shit and just like that she's lost.
She had so much depending on her, and she let them all down. She couldn't believe she'd done this. How could she? They were all thinking of her. Her father, mother, Tristan, Mariah, Leah, Trey, Marlene... Jackson. Oh, Jackson. She was all he had and now she was gone... She suddenly was worried about him. Was he going to be okay? Would her family take him in? Surely they would. They loved him, they wouldn't let him destroy himself... And without Martina, he certainly would destroy himself.
Tears streamed down her cheeks, pouring out of her eyes. She couldn't help it. She felt so homesick and sad, disappointed, even angry because she had lost it. Now was not the time to dwell on the past. She couldn't do anything to change it, after all.
She stayed there for a while, soft wings wrapped around herself, sobbing quietly, hurting. Soon, the sadness started to fade, replaced by that warm calmness that everyone is going to be alright. They would keep going without her.
She stood up, finally, drying her cheeks and wiping her eyes.
She couldn't do anything to change the fact that she died. She would just have to find a good way to spend the time until her loved ones joined her. And for that, she was ready to wait.
~.~.
District 9's Kade Fields wasn't alone.
Rachel sat with him in the temple, holding his hands. His eyes were slightly glassy, but he knew that he was in a better place. The only person he had down there was Sophia. Leaving her alone hurt Kade, sure. He could feel her thinking about him, and that made him upset. She was probably hurting so much. He fought so hard to make it back to her, and he had made it to third place. God, he was so close to winning...
But there was nothing he could do to change it now.
He stayed in Rachel's arms, hugging her tightly. They hadn't known each other for too long, but she had become a close friend anyways. They just clicked, and he was glad that she was his ally.
"You didn't have to sacrifice yourself for me," he said quietly. All of the images of seeing her silhouette in the Arena came back.
But this Rachel was different. She was soft, warm, she was real. She was the real Rachel, not whatever fake version of her was projected in the Arena.
"I wanted to. I never intended on leaving the Arena alive. I gave my chance for someone who deserved it. And you really made me proud. You made her proud, too. Sophia. And your home. Third place is amazing."
"But it's not first."
"Someone had to get third. It sucks, but you fought hard and did your best."
Kade just sighed quietly as Rachel let him go with a pat on the shoulder.
His sadness didn't last long, though, as soon he saw two little girls running towards him.
His sisters.
Gabby reached him first, jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly. Lydia arrived soon after, joining the hug. It was a tight, warm hug, and Kade never wanted to let go.
"God, I missed you," he said quietly, tears pooling in his eyes.
"You did well out there," Lydia said.
Gabby nodded. "We're so proud of you."
Kade managed a small smile. "Thanks. I really just did my best."
The siblings didn't talk after that. They just stayed in the tight, warm hug, and Kade felt like he was home.
It wasn't totally complete, though. Kade let out a small sob when he heard his mother's voice say his name.
His sisters let go so that he could run over to his mother, hugging her tightly.
"You did so well down there," she said, sniffling and wiping her eyes.
"Don't cry," Kade said quietly, biting his lip.
"They're proud tears," she said. "You did everything you could."
"I tried. I wanted to make you proud." He stayed in his mother's arms for a long time before both of his sisters joined the hug again.
They were complete. They were whole. They were a family.
They were together.
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